Together
by bri1216
Summary: spiolers for 'Children shouldn't play with dead things'a little more of the ending because it broke my heart.rated for language


"_You're tail spinning, man. And you refuse to talk about it and you won't let me help you!"_

"_I can take care of myself."_

"No, you can't! And you know what, you're the only one who thinks you should have to."

"I was dead. I shoulda stayed dead." He took a deep breath. "You wanted to know how I was feeling, well, that's it." Dean glanced up at his brother. "So tell me," Sam looked up, tears reflecting in his moss-green eyes. "What can you possibly say to make that alright?"

Sam blinked and turned away, fully knowing that his brother actually expected an answer.

'I love you.'

'_I need you more than I've ever needed anyone.' _

'_It's not your fault.'_

'_We're going to be ok.'_

A million thoughts rushed through Sam's mind but he couldn't bring himself to voice them.

His lean shoulder touched the elder's and Sam could feel his uneven breaths. He risked a glance at his brother and felt his heart skip a beat. Dean's face was turned away from him; his lip trembled as droplets of water dripped down his chin and clung there.

Dean was _crying_. Not teary-eyed or stony-faced. Actually crying.

Sam cautiously took his left hand from his jacket and rested it in-between Dean's shoulder blades, surprised when he didn't flinch away.

Dean exhaled and his breathing hitched slightly.

Sam wanted to pull his brother close, to let him cry and tell him it was ok. But he knew Dean would resist; it was far too girly for Winchesters.

In a way, Sam needed Dean to stop. He needed his brother to be strong in order for him to be ok. He selfishly, silently willed Dean to stop. It didn't work.

Sam watched his brother fight for control over his tears. "Dean." Sam leant in, his breath lightly ruffling his brother's hair. "I need you." His voice broke.

"Getting too Lifetime, Sammy." Dean warned, his own voice hoarse with emotion.

"Listen to me, just this once." Sam rubbed Dean's back gently. "Caleb, Pastor Jim, Jess, Mom, Dad. They're all gone." He slung the rest of his arm around Dean and squeezed his shoulder. "And if you weren't here right now, I'd be gone too."

Dean looked up at Sam and blinked, causing a tear to cascade down his cheek. "You're keeping me alive, man. And yes, you scare me sometimes. But dammit, Dean. I would've killed myself long ago if it wasn't for you." Sam scrubbed a hand over his face, smudging the tearstains. "It's not your fault, Dean. It's the fucking Demon."

Dean shook his head. "No." he shrugged Sam away. "It is me. If I'd have let you shoot him in the cabin, the Demon would be dead. I mean, hell, dad died anyway." He stood up and kicked the wheel of the Impala. "And he died saving me." He kicked it again, harder. "Fuck!" he kicked once more before falling to his knees. He placed his palms flat on the door of the car and suck in deep breaths.

"Dean." Sam knelt behind his brother and put his hand on his toned shoulder. Dean pushed him off again so Sam sat, his back against the same door Dean's hands rested on.

"If you want to blame yourself for Dad, then fine. Go ahead." Dean looked up at him, incredulously. "But you can't tell me it's not my fault when I blame myself for mom and Jess." He stared hard at his brother, refusing to blink.

Dean shook his head. "It's different, Sammy."

"How?" Sam asked, suddenly angry. "Mom sacrificed herself for me. To protect me. And I dreamed about Jessica dying and did _nothing_ to stop it. So how the hell is it different?"

Dean let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head again. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have saved Jessica. And you didn't have a choice with mom, you were just a baby. But I did with dad. I should've died, not him."

Sam stared at Dean for half a second before launching his fist into the side of Dean's face. Dean blinked and smirked. "Hey, now we're even."

Sam punched him again and pushed him over, sitting on his chest. "You bastard! Did you even hear a word I said?" Sam slammed him into the ground. "I fucking need you." He slammed him harder.

Dean pushed his brother off and rolled on top of the younger. He felt Sam breathing heavily beneath him. He leaned in close, his face inches from Sam's. "I said you got a freebie, not a free-for-all."

He stood and held his hand out for his brother. Sam took it reluctantly, and as Dean hauled him up, crashed into him and wrapped his slender arms around his brother in an embrace.

"Sam…" Dean stiffened.

"No." he hugged him tighter and felt two tears fall softly from his eyes and onto Dean's shoulder. "I almost lost you. And if you don't get over this, I will lose you."

Dean collapsed into his brother's hold and brought a hand up and through Sam's shaggy hair.

"Dad loved you, Dean. He would've done anything for you." Sam sobbed when Dean started shaking.

"Does the pain ever stop?" Dean asked, his control slipping completely.

"No." Sam squeezed Dean's neck. "But it does lessen." Dean pulled back and stared directly into Sam's eyes; both clouded with moisture.

Sam bent his head down so their foreheads were touching and Dean closed his eyes. "We're going to be ok, Dean."

Dean nodded, both their heads bobbing up and down. "Thanks, Sammy." He gave a small smile and clapped his brother's shoulder.

Sam smiled back genuinely and Dean got into the Impala. "Come on," he said, tapping the door and clearing his throat. "We've got a lot of road to cover."

Dean brushed a hand over his face, getting rid of any evidence from the past half hour. He popped a tape into the cassette into the tape-player. Metallica blared through the speakers and Dean pulled away, feeling for the first time in over a month, that things could be ok.


End file.
